Battle Royal GRAPS on the Beach

We’ve got pyro!

BOOMS go off like crazy above the venue tonight, this of course is all controlled by a booth near one of the entrances to the ring and in no way plays any future role in this match.

So, enjoy the pyro! Pretty lights! Sparkling ones! The ones that just go BOOM and make your dogs cower in the basement! Yay, fireworks!

We are live and we are loud in the Club Viva La Wallace party center slash arena! Sure enough we are at capacity of close to a thousand fans who have been sold on the fact that this will be on television, there will be plenty of alcohol and there’s going to be a ton of action inside and outside of the ring. The ring itself sits in the middle of the pool with three pathways of getting in and out of the ringside area, all of the pathways have the required safety railings on them which are decked out in the Wrestle Island colors of bright neon yellow. I guess that’s just one color then. The apron around the ring is neon yellow as well and has the blue Wrestle Island logo on it along with the tagline “GRAPS on the Beach” in blue. As the club plays out a random theme song to hype the crowd a few signs can be seen.



I’M HERE FOR NIP N’ TIP SLIPS!



AMBER, SHIT ON ME NEXT


WHERE’S THE COKE?



There are some others, but you’re not here for the signs… yet. Speaking of which, drop sign ideas into the DMs for future consideration. The screen dissolves to none other than the man whose embezzling has made this all possible, Christopher J. Wrigley. Wrigley is wearing his dark navy blue suit and red rimmed glasses and for a nice change he is also wearing the headset because he’s going to be calling the action for all of you tonight. He’s already got a pineapple drink in hand complete with an umbrella and he’s ready to go -- there are four already in front of him empty.

WRIGLEY: “Welcome everyone to the first ever Wrestle Island event!! My name is Christopher J. Wrigley and we are live from the Bahamas inside Club Viva La Wallace! This place has been partying for hours and now we settle in to get ready to crown our first ever Television champion. Maybe we should have thought of a better name for it, but it’s too late for that nonsense!”

He pauses for another drink.

WRIGLEY: “Damn, those are going down like water tonight. I’m probably not going to make it through the whole match, so when I do pass out we’ve got a back-up to do some announcing.

No?”

He looks off camera and then back towards the camera.

WRIGLEY: “No back-up? Huh, well let’s see how this plays out and I apologize if we go radio silent for long stretches of time here tonight. You got another one of those long islands coming? Thank God.”

Someone hands him another one of the pineapple drinks with the umbrella. Wrigley takes a slip from the straw and it sends a jolt of energy down his spine.

WRIGLEY: “Now that! That is a proper long island! Now let’s run down the rules for those of you who have never watched wrestling and have no idea what the fuck a battle royal is. All twenty, yes twenty, wrestlers will be starting in the ring at once. Crazy right? To eliminate a wrestler from the match that wrestler will have to be thrown into the pool that surrounds the ring. That’s the only way to get rid of someone.

Now, the last person standing or remaining will be crowned the first ever Wrestle Island TV champion.

There are no other rules.

No. Other. Rules. Got it? Shit’s about to get crazy folks. At some point I will be given a list of all twenty people in this match, but I can see already we’ve got a large number of masked folks. RaptoЯ is in there, he’s 65 million years old. Looks like Japanese deathmatch legends GREAT Mask I and II are in there as well.., could be III and IV but who knows. I don’t recognize the other two masked ones, but they are female. Maybe once I get that list, huh?”

Wrigley trails off as the camera switches to the ring and sure enough it looks as if almost every single of the twenty people have made their way into the ring so far. Noah Ortega and Giovanni Santana are the last two to climb into the ring as they make their way out from the two separate entrances down the ramps. Where does the third ramp go? That goes to the crowd, not that that will come up again. Wrigley might be off screen now, but his voice will never leave.

WRIGLEY: “Jesus, I think RotGut has already killed someone. Did he show up covered in blood or is that fresh? Get him away from Azurine Vebbins as soon as possible, nobody should be allowed to touch her tonight. Can I make that a rule now?”


DING DING DING!


WRIGLEY: “Dammit, too late! There’s the bell and this carnage is underway!!”

The bell sounds and forty hands or feet begin to exchange between the people in the ring -- let me double check to make sure nobody is missing a hand on their app -- yep, forty hands or feet begin to unload shots left and right as the crowd goes nuts for the opening salvo of shots fired here. To nobody’s surprise in the world, American Tommy is the first one to be thrown through the ropes and to the floor below by the twins of the Perfectly Perfect Duo. ABCDE Karter is the next one to follow over the ropes to the outside followed by a couple of the unnamed masked wrestlers and Timmy Yanti. Of course, this doesn’t mean much of anything since none of them are eliminated from the match -- at least not until they go for a swim. All it really does is to begin to clear out the ring and make space for more actual wrestling to be taking place. Little does ‘Black’ Bart Robinson know that RotGut isn’t much of a wrestling type and when he attempts to go for a collar and elbow tie-up with the near four hundred pound RotGut, RotGut responds with a double hammer strike right into the midsection that doubles Bart over in pain. RotGut follows this up by -- let me check that app again -- mauling the fuck out of him in the middle of the ring. Meanwhile, in another part of the ring Victoria Irving-Point and Shane Diamond exchange some shots, which leads to Shane Diamond body slamming VIP to the mat and immediately going to the middle rope giving out one of his famous laughs before leaping off and connecting with a leg drop (RIP Brian Christopher)

“SLLLLLAMM!”

…to do some damage. Or was that slam in regards to Naty Zenigata who connected with a wicked looking lariat onto Giovanni Santana? Who knows, it’s hard to follow everything that’s going on, I’m probably missing some people right now.

WRIGLEY: “On the outside of the ring it looks like my former clients, the Perfectly Perfect Duo, have got American Tommy near to elimination. I can’t tell Lance and Max Studd apart here, but it’s good to see they’re still alive after all these years. From behind comes one of those masked wrestlers! Why are they saving Tommy?”

Sure enough both of those masked wrestlers attack the PPD from behind which allows Tommy to slip away. Still on the outside, Timmy Yanti has squared off against GREAT Mask II, his horns are blue that’s how you can tell the difference, while ABCDE Karter goes against the original GREAT Mask. Mask I runs from the apron and hits a running hurricanrana on Karter, at the same time Mask II hits a tornado DDT from the ring apron onto the entrance plank. Bridge? I don’t know something like that. Back on the inside of the ring RotGut has finished brutalizing the fuck out of Bart Robinson and has tossed him aside in favor of another victim, Scotty Donovan who up to this point had done his best to simply try and get Azurine Vebbins’ phone number. Right near those two RaptoЯ and Hot Streak are going back and forth with each other. RaptoЯ grabs the fellow masked wrestler and tosses Hot Streak into the corner, but Hot Streak being quick on her feet rebalances and connects with an incredible moonsault of her own! Scotty Donovan, with the help of Azurine Vebbins is able to fight off RotGut long enough for both of them to slip to the outside of the ring. Which is where Noah Ortega has found American Tommy, Tommy is quick on the draw and connects with a hip-toss, because of course he does. On the complete opposite of the ringside area, both of the Studd brothers have gotten the two unknown masked females up the entrance ramp and in serious trouble of being eliminated. However, with some quick timing and calculated low blows! The duo take the upper hand on the PPD and…


“SPLISSSSSHHH!”


“SPPPLAAAAASH!”


…dump the Studd brothers into the pool for the very first TWO eliminations of this match!! It’s okay though, because the Studds are trained lifeguards and they enjoy the water. The unknown masked duo turn back towards the crowd and in unison remove their masks.

WRIGLEY: “It’s the Influence! Delia Black and Claudia Frost, my current clients. I swear I banned them from this event, but it looks like they slipped in here anyway. My new clients knocking my old clients out of this thing, that’s going to make for an awkward Christmas Party this year.

Wait a second!”

Just then, Azurine Vebbins and Giovanni Santana sneak up on the Influence members who have been spending way too long celebrating the fact that they snuck into this match and have eliminated the Studds and in complete shock grab them from behind and..


“SPLISSSSSHHH!”


“SPPPLAAAAASH!”


…drop both Delia Black and Claudia Frost into the pool. Both members of the Influence have been eliminated from the match! Delia and Claudia surface and swim over towards each other and hug in the pool making sure they’re okay and furthering their depression. The alliance between Azurine and Giovanni doesn’t last long as Giovanni goes to toss Azurine over the guardrailing, but she is able to catch herself from elimination. Back to the inside of the ring, RotGut has returned to Bart Robinson and now moves on from the mauling the fuck out of him to the beating the shit out of him. This is then followed up by RotGut lifting Bart up into a gorilla press slam position. The crowd “ooohs” and “ahhhs” at the strength of the beast as he charges towards the ring ropes and..


“SSSSSSPPPPPPPPPLLASSH!”



…throws Bart from the ring over ringside and into the pool!! Well, it’s not that clean Bart clips his legs on the guardrailing because RotGut was probably aiming for that and then he flipped into the pool. At least that’ll get the blood out of his shirt.

WRIGLEY: “And just like Peter Pan, Bart learns how to fly. Hope he had some happy thoughts on the way down… and on the way to the hospital. Maybe we should send someone down there before he sinks to the bottom.”

And just like from the show Baywatch, Max and Lance Studd who look just like David Chokachi charge into the pool in slow motion to save Bart Robinson from drowning.

WRIGLEY: “Oh, thank God.”

Back in the ring, however, RotGut has a surprise waiting for him. It’s ‘No Diggity’ Scotty Donovan who is holding a steel chair in his hands and the moment that RotGut turns around…


“SMMMMACKK!”


“SMMMMACKK!”


“SMMMMACKK!”


…denting the fuck out of that steel chair over the head of the beast. But to the shock and horror of the entire crowd, RotGut stands there with a smile on his face as blood begins to pour from a crack in his forehead. Well, more blood because there was already blood there from before. Scotty drops the chair and charges across the ring going for a cross body block, but RotGut catches him and in a single motion sends Scotty Donovan airborne over the corner turnbuckle onto the floor below!! This is right at the feet of RaptoЯ, which gets the dinosaurs’ attention and immediately finishes off Shane Diamond by chokeslamming him up and over the top ropes…


“SPPPPPLASSH!”



…right into the pool!! From behind his mask, RaptoЯ locks eyes with RotGut… probably and charges off to go after him. Meanwhile, as Scotty pulls himself back up to his feet, American Tommy sneaks up from behind and…


“SPPPLASSSH!”


…hip tosses him up and over the guardrailing into the pool!!


WRIGLEY: “No diggity and no TV title for Scotty Donovan. I like the way I worked that. We’re down seven already here and things are starting to get a little bit out of control. Perhaps we should remind everyone that any fines incurred here tonight will be paid for out of Perry Wallace’s account. So, let’s not trash the place too much.”

Back on the outside of the ring Naty Zenigata has gotten her hands on Hot Streak and tosses her across into the guardrailing backfirst! Naty is about to finish things off for Hot Streak, but she is intercepted at the last moment by ABCDE Karter! Karter shoulder blocks Zenigata and nearly sends her over the protective railing as well, in fact Karter has his choice of which one to eliminate and he’s about to choose when out from nowhere Timmy Yanti connects with a superkick of his own right to the jaw of Karter. Yanti looks pumped, but unfortunately he cannot follow up as both of the GREAT Masks knock him to the ground as well. Back in the ring, the crowd stands in anticipation as the two monsters in this match begin to square off in the middle of the squared circle. That’s right, all three hundred ninety pounds of RotGut stands across the ring from all six foot seven inch RaptoЯ. RaptoЯ makes the first move and unloads a right hand on RotGut, who in return fires off a shot of his own! The echoing shots cause the crowd to scream out as the two behemoths continue to trade hammer shots!

WRIGLEY: “I saw Kong vs. Godzilla in the theaters, now I want my money back because these two are the real king of monsters going at it! Oh, and is Tommy still alive? That’s a shame.”

RotGut leans back and gathers both hands together unleashing a hammer strike right into the chest of RaptoЯ! RaptoЯ falls backwards into the ropes and on the rebound collects his own hands together and hits a hammer strike of his own which does the same to RotGut. On the rebound both of the men wrap their hands around the throat of their opponent, both looking for a chokeslam! However, as they stand there looking to lift the other, the two masked Japanese wrestlers known as the GREAT Masks leap from opposite corners of the ring and connect with dropkicks in stereo! The crowd is pissed that they don’t get to see a hoss fight. The GREAT Masks leap back up to their feet in tandem, but are immediately met by both RotGut and RaptoЯ. Both men pick each of the masked ones with relative ease into a gorilla press position, the eyes of RotGut and RaptoЯ meet as they do this and instead of tossing each GREAT Mask out of the ring, they run at each other and lawn dart the two masked wrestlers into each other in the middle of the ring!! The crowd recoils in pain as the duo slam like Neo and Agent Smith in the third Matrix movie and fall to the canvas with a heavy thud.

WRIGLEY: “Holy shit balls. I think they’re dead.”

Back on the outside of the ring, American Tommy has made his way up the third entrance way. Yes, that crazy son of a bitch has taken the third path which leads him into the standing room only crowd of party goers slash wrestling fans. Right behind Tommy is Giovanni Santana who immediately grabs one of the drinks away from a random dude and begins dancing with a random chica. Victoria Irving-Point and Noah Ortega have also taken the cue and made their way over into this much larger, much harder to get eliminated from area which is being cleared out by event security. The GREAT Masks are not so lucky, after being lawn darted into each other they rolled to the outside for safety, right into where Karter and Yanti are waiting for them. With not a lot of fanfare needed, Karter throws GREAT Mask I and Yanti throws GREAT Mask II up and over the guardrailing into the pool…


“SPLISSSSSHHH!”



“SPPPLAAAAASH!”


…eliminating two more people from the battle royal. We’re down to 11. And not the 11 from Stranger Things, the number eleven. Six of those eleven have made their way across the third entrance into the crowd area, while the remaining five hav--- oh shit, we don’t have time for that nonsense! RaptoЯ charges across the ring…

“SMMMMACK!”

…connecting with a roundhouse kick right to the jaw of the massive RotGut! The big man stumbles but doesn’t fall down from the impact of that boot shot. RaptoЯ is able to grab him by the wrists and nails an absolute wicked looking high knee strike to that chin for a second time. RotGut stumbles backwards into the ropes and…


“SMMMMMMACK!”


…eats a bicycle kick!! The monster falls out of the ring to the floor below as RaptoЯ proves himself to be the king of the jungle -- at least this round. The crowd, that hasn’t been forced to scattered by the various wrestlers fighting, roars about as loudly as RaptoЯ does.

WRIGLEY: “I am glad we decided to reinforce that ringside area, otherwise I think RotGut would have taken out the entire structure… and possibly the pool as well. That would have cost me way too much money. Strike that, Perry’s money. Speaking of that, we've got chaos near the bar area…”

That’s right, we do. Azurine Vebbins has made her way into the fray and she and Naty Zenigata have begun exchanging rights and lefts. Noah Ortega is about to break that up, but he’s caught from behind with a lungblower by VIP! There’s just a heavy thud from the strike and the air rushing from the leader of the Lost’s lungs as they both tumble to the ground. Just then Naty picks up Azurine and gives her a backdrop driver right onto the wooden bar counter top!! As she falls back behind the bar that once was serving up the tasty drinks, we can see American Tommy sitting at a stool at the bar drinking a Bud Light. That’s right, even in a tropical paradise Tommy opts for that shit. Just down from him Giovanni Santana is enjoying himself one of the signature Long Island iced teas in the pineapple with the umbrella, he and Tommy make eye contact as they begin to drink their drinks. Slowly, they put their drinks down and wait to see if the other one is about to throw a punch, neither do so they go back to drinking. While this is happening, Azurine counters an attack by Naty and slams her face into the bar. Azurine steps up onto the bar and dives across with a rolling splash sending both of them back into the crowd area. Back in the ring, Hot Streak, Timmy Yanti and ABCDE Karter have all gotten into the ring along with RaptoЯ and the four of them begin to circle around each other. The trio who have just gotten into the ring begin to look at each other and then over towards RaptoЯ, and it looks like they’re going to try and take out the giant. RaptoЯ fights off Yanti with a boot and Karter with an overhand right shot, but Hot Streak is able to clip the back of his knee from behind and the trio begin to overtake the monster.

WRIGLEY: “I am not picking up anyone’s bar tab tonight. Let me just make myself clear first on that matter. Also, what’s with the teaming up on people? We need to start eliminating these people before any more damage is done!”

The trio in the ring do a pretty amazing job knocking the six foot seven inch tall dinosaur down to his feet. The trio then begin to unload on some bigger moves, a shotgun dropkick here, a running knee strike there and RaptoЯ looks to be in some serious pain. Timmy Yanti goes for a kill shot with another running strike but RaptoЯ grabs him by the throat and uses his momentum to toss him through the ring ropes to the outside! Hot Streak and ABCDE Karter are shocked by this and the two of them go for a double clothesline, but the monster ducks under that attempt and clotheslines the both of them in response. RaptoЯ then nails Karter with a deadlift German Suplex, followed by a standing moonsault onto Hot Streak! The crowd pops for the incredible display of athletic ability by the monster.

WRIGLEY: “That’s what 60 million years of experience and training will get you. Uh oh, things aren’t about to get any better for Timmy Yanti on the outside of the ring! Look out young fella, there’s a RotGut out there and he’s fucking pissed looking.”

Sure enough, Yanti isn’t expecting it as he backs up right into the big man on the outside. RotGut just picks him up and…


“SPPPPPLASSSH!”


…dumps him into the pool. RaptoЯ then throws Hot Streak and Karter up and over the ring ropes onto the outside right at the feet of RotGut. RotGut looks down at his feet and sure enough does the exact same thing to those two as well.


“SPPPPPLASSSH!”


“SPPPPPLASSSH!”


And now the crowd roars, because they know they’re about to see round two in the ring again. In fact, RaptoЯ backs up and waits for RotGut to begin his climb back into the ring.

WRIGLEY: “Those two working together?! Could you imagine the titles I could win all across wrestling with those two monsters? But now it looks like we’re going to be getting round two. This is like Kong meeting Godzilla again in the same exact movie.

Hey, wait a minute…

Are you lost or something?”

Standing across from Wrigley’s booth on the second floor of Club Viva La Wallace is Noah Ortega who nods at that question. In fact, he has a couple of his followers in attendance here and all of them nod at once. Wrigley has a drunken look on his face as Noah Ortega turns his attention to VIP and unloads with a couple of right hands to her. Soon, those two are joined by Naty Zenigata and Azurine Vebbins who have that whole Girl Scout on Girl Scout fight vibe from the Airplane movie going on -- those that know -- ragdoll each other right into the railing of the second floor of the club. Back down below, there are now two cans of Bud Light sitting in front of American Tommy while a third is being chugged down, while Giovanni Santana tries to hang with his third Long Island iced tea drink. Tommy pounds it down on the bar and motions for another one, but Santana, sensing he has no chance hanging with hard liquor, slams the pineapple right into the face of Tommy!! Tommy is sent tumbling back across the standing room only part of the club. Back into the ring RaptoЯ and RotGut have started to circle each other getting ready for round two of this hoss fight.

That’s right.


HOSS FIGHT ALERT!


HOSS FIGHT ALERT!


RaptoЯ charges in first with a double ax handle shot across the top of RotGut’s face! RotGut, dazed a bit, snaps out of it quickly and fires back a shot of his own. RaptoЯ raises up for another shot, but RotGut nails him with an eye gouge! This allows him to follow up with a number of strikes to the back of the prehistoric dinosaur’s head. You’re not going to see this in Jurassic World, folks. RotGut pulls the masked giant back up to his feet and hits him with a boot to the gut. He lifts up the near three hundred pounder and runs forward…



“SLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!”




…hitting a running sitout powerbomb!! The damn ring damn near gives way from the sheer impact of that one!! In fact the sounds of breaking boards and other things propping up the ring can be heard by the cameras in and around the ring.

WRIGLEY: “Oh, that’s not good. That’s not good at all.”

Back up on the second floor, Naty Zenigata has been tossed up against the guardrailing by Azurine Vebbins. Azurine steps back and charges in connecting with a superkick right to the jaw of Zenigata!! She stumbles and nearly falls over the railing which is a quick trip into the pool. Azurine backs up again charging in…





“SPPPPPPPLASSSSH!”





HOLY SHIT!!


At the last possible second, Naty ducked under the charging Azurine and sent her up and over the guardrailing, falling from the second level of the club and into the pool below. The crowd is in shock and disbelief at this point. The camera cuts to Wrigley’s booth, where he too is in shock.

WRIGLEY: “I hope she’s okay…? We should send some people down there to check on her, and I don’t mean the Studd brothers. She’ll be fine… she’ll be fine.”

It seems as if that fall has caused Noah Ortega and VIP to rethink where they are currently at, and with the help of security have made their way to the lower level where Giovanni Santana has been doing his best to finally grant American Tommy’s lifelong dream of ending his life. Santana turns his attention to Ortega and VIP. He hammers away at the both of them and in the process brings them towards the pool water’s edge. VIP fires back with a desperation shot to the breadbasket of Santana, he stumbles forward nearing the edge of the pool and she charges in at Santana, Giovanni counters by locking her into a full nelson hold…


“SPPLLLLLLLLASSSH!”


…that he follows up by suplexing her up and over releasing her into the pool!! Giovanni gets back up to his feet and looks for a drink from someone in the crowd to chase that shot down. Back in the ring, the hoss fight has continued. RotGut has pulled the prehistoric monster back up to his feet and with a bunch of clubbing shots has his opponent up against the ring ropes. RotGut charges in and just unloads with a lariat that sends RaptoЯ up and over the ropes to the floor below!! Round two in the battle of the beasts goes to RotGut.

WRIGLEY: “Looks like we’re tied in the battle of the monsters. Looks like RotGut is now headed to the outside of the ring where he can try and eliminate RaptoЯ from this match. Oh man, would you look at this damage that they did up here on the second floor? It’s like a tornado rolled through here. Thankfully, Perry’s paying for all of this.”

Back on the first floor near the pool, Giovanni Santana is finally handed a drink to enjoy but that drink is courtesy of American Tommy! Tommy returns the favor from before with a couple of well timed hip-tosses, his only real move. The third hip-toss sends Santana sliding near the edge of the pool and nearly eliminated, but he’s able to grab a hold of the pool ladder and stop his momentum from sliding into the deep end. Tommy gets up looking for a fourth hip-toss that would probably send matter crashing across the universe in a catastrophic event, but thankfully Naty Zenigata stops that from happening with a dropkick. She then turns her attention towards where Noah Ortega was standing a couple of moments ago, but he’s made his way around the pool towards a raised platform clearing out some of the fans who actually paid for those chairs this evening. Ortega’s got some chairs and shortly he’s joined by Naty and Santana who are looking to get even here. Ortega swings…



“SMMACK!”



…and connects with a chair shot onto Naty, but as he goes to follow that up Santana rips the chair from his hands and stabs him right into the solar plexus! Santana goes for the home run swing with the chair, but Ortega ducks under that shot. Naty tosses a second chair up into Ortega’s face…



“SMMMMACK!”



“SMMMMACK!”



…and hits a running dropkick that connects with both chairs, in turn those chairs smack into the faces of Giovanni Santana and Noah Ortega which in turn sends them tumbling backwards falling from the raised platform down towards the pool.



“SPPPLIIIISSH!”



“SPPPLASSSSHH!”



WRIGLEY: “And they’re taking a bath! I guess we’ll just chalk up even more damage done up there on that platform to the credit card of one Perry Wallace. We’re down to the final four here in this battle royal, that has really just turned into a battle at this point. You’ve got RotGut and RaptoЯ looking they might just destroy the venue here while Naty Zenigata and American Tommy have survived the brawl around the pool.”

Back to the outside of the ring area, RotGut has made his way out of the ring to where RaptoЯ has been recovering. Once again the two massive monsters clash with clubbing shots back and forth, neither one giving much an inch to the other one. RotGut goes to send RaptoЯ into the ring barrier, but RaptoЯ puts on the breaks and counters with a rolling elbow shot which doesn’t knock the big man off of his feet, rather just backs him up a couple of steps. RaptoЯ goes for another rolling elbow strike, but RotGut counters that a short-armed lariat that also doesn’t knock the dinosaur off of his feet either, rather just backs him up somewhat. You get the idea. Let’s jump towards the entrance ramp where American Tommy and Naty Zenigata have made their way over towards, coming down from the raised platform. Zenigata hits Tommy with an overhand right, but Tommy goes to like his only move that I can remember he does and that’s a hip-toss!! Naty is right up again and Tommy hits a second hip-toss, Naty isn’t highly affected by this offense, rather gets right back to her feet… this leads to Tommy hitting a THIRD hip-toss!! Somewhere in the universe a moon crashes into its planet and a blackhole swallows a galaxy, because a fourth hip-toss would cause the rest to die. Tommy looks to go for another hip-toss, yes a fourth one that would certainly mean the end of all things, but just as goes for the dreaded move Naty counters it!! She saves herself and all of us by countering the hip-toss with a… shove? Yes, a shove! Naty then connects with a superkick to the jaw of Tommy sending him stumbling backwards right into the pyro control booth area that kicked off the show tonight.

WRIGLEY: “Oh no, not the pyro control booth!”

There’s a pause on commentary.

WRIGLEY: “SYKE! We used everything we had on the pre-show. It’s all good now.”

There’s another pause on commentary.

WRIGLEY: “Say what?”

There’s a rumble on the stage, American Tommy and Naty Zenigata both feel it. And just like out of every action movie ever made there is a small countdown clock over the shoulder of Tommy that is giving some sort of warning as it appears that when Naty kicked Tommy into the booth he knocked up against a whole bunch of buttons. With the clock counting down from ten, Tommy gets up and begins to run away… Naty sees this and does the rest…


FIVE!


FOUR!


THREE!


TWO!


ONE!



“SPLLLAAAAAAAAASSH!”



“SPLLLLLAAAAAAASSH!”


The clock goes off, the pyro goes off and holy shit does the pyro go off. The whole freaking stage lights up with fireworks as Tommy and Naty leap from the stage into the pool in an awesome action movie stunt that would have been great had it not been for the fact that means they were both eliminated from this match. But holy shit that pyro is still going off. Shooting ropes like it had been both arms restrained for years while eating a ton of vitamin C, y’all get me? Fireworks shoot off into the sky, and a couple of them begin to go rogue. One of them hits the pool area, another hits right off the ring.

WRIGLEY: “Oh that’s not good… that’s going to cost us dearly. But, we are down to our final two participants here!”

RaptoЯ is back up to his feet on the outside, a little distracted by the pyro that continues to go off -- in fact, I think one just stuck and lit something on fire -- but he clubs away at the large neck of RotGut. The duo continue to fight around the ringside area throwing haymaker shots that would probably kill a normal person at this point. RotGut goes for a huge overhand right but RaptoЯ is able to counter that with a pump kick that knocks RotGut right in the jaw! The shot doesn’t knock the big man down, but stuns him long enough for RaptoЯ to attempt a powerbomb. RaptoЯ goes to lift the near four hundred pound man, but can’t get RotGut up all the way. RotGut counters this attempt with a backdrop that knocks RaptoЯ into the guardrailing around the ring.

“CRASSH!”

…which breaks from the impact! RaptoЯ nearly falls into the pool, but pulls himself out with only the bottoms of his feet touching the water. The crowd, the crowd that hasn’t scattered yet, pops for the near elimination. RotGut isn’t able to take advantage of this and by the time he turns around RaptoЯ is already back up to his feet and deadlifts the four hundred pound RotGut up into a fireman’s carry and begins to shuffle towards the opening in the guardrailing.

WRIGLEY: “He’s got him! RaptoЯ’s got RotGut up and due to the hole in the railing just has to dump him through to win this battle royal!! Can he do it?”



POPPAGE!


NO!


RotGut hits elbow strikes and slips out, he counters the hold by scooping up RaptoЯ up into the air almost into a gorilla press position which impresses the crowd, but RaptoЯ counters that with an elbow strike of his own. Slipping behind RotGut, RaptoЯ spins him around and connects with a boot to the gut. Somewhere in the background a firework hits one of the light towers and we’ve got a scene from ‘The Natural’ going on as it shuts itself down. RaptoЯ lifts RotGut up for a powerbomb…




“CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!”



And.


“SPLLAAAAAAASSH!”


And.


Holy shit.


WRIGLEY: “RAPTOЯ POWERBOMBED ROTGUT THROUGH THE DAMN RINGSIDE PLATFORM!!! ROTGUT WENT THROUGH THE FLOOR AND DROPPED INTO THE POOL!! YOUR WINNER OF THIS MATCH AND THE FIRST EVER TELEVISION CHAMPION OF WRESTLE ISLAND… RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPTOЯ!!!”

DING DING DING!

RaptoЯ stands tall in the center of the ring, as the arena is being cleared out due to the pyro setting a couple of fires, the ring itself is also slowly sinking into the pool and the massive amounts of damage that has been done to Club Viva La Wallace. One could say that RaptoЯ stands like the T-Rex did at the end of Jurassic Park and Jurassic World over his kingdom letting out a massive roar for the remaining crowd to behold.

WRIGLEY: “I’m being told now that we’re going to have to evacuate the building. So, that’s where I’m going to leave you all tonight. Once again the first ever Television Champion RaptoЯ will be allowed to do whatever he wants to do with that title, he’s the champ. Also, let’s remember that all of this damage will be covered by Perry Wallace himself.

Goodnight.

We’ll see you all soon.”

A final scene of all the carnage can be seen from the overhead camera, sure enough some of the pyro is still going off in the air as the camera zooms away.

We fade to black.

No, we fade to this amazing logo...